Tales of the Ko Samet Stalker.
1. It's best to know a language in full before aproaching your victim.

Houston, we need Backup...I am so going back to Bangkok tomorrow, Passport or no. Like a flood of heavy realization (let's say I was blinded of Thailand's total lack of anything good) I learned tonight that Ko Samet is not safe. Not safe for this white male anyhow.
And you say...Backup Ged...do you need to talk? Just slow down and explain.
Allright...
As learned recently by the BTK (blind torture kill) serial Killer in Kansas, always keep your target at a distance, until that is, it is time to strike. Then You move into the second phase.
Dismemberment?
Everything was looking prime when I arrived here 4 short sunny days ago. I arrived at night with a band of british backpackers, four, and one lovely Isreali girl who has mysteriously disappeared.
Last seen two nights ago chatting with Thai Bartender (clue? Idunno.)
Since then, I have become the Isand mute. but that isn't a worry, since seeing my face is pretty rare as it is always buried in some nice fiction from the Book Borrowing Shabba at Naga.

Then tonight...My first conversation in 2 days...

2. When the urge to approach victim becomes unbearable. Wait until he is far from home.

So I went for a long walk tonight down the beach, and then to another beach to try the different flair they may have for curried chicken and Rice. As always I was burried in a book, and awaiting my dinner, watching out of the corner of my eye the conversation a seemingly Thai man had with the lovely hostess. After travelling a while, one gets a distinct feeling (like spider sense) when they are the topic of conversation of another tongue. I was clearly a funny topic.
I was startled then after a lengthy plot twist involving the novel's Heroine being drugged. A tiger tatoo on his left arm, he said Hi how are you.

3. Persistance is only good to a stalker from a distance.

That was nice enough...and since I was so funny to these people. The hostess looked on as he bantered with me about "where I was from" and all the bullshit I had been avoiding the last two days.
Now I'm no fool. The man I was talking to was Gay Gay Gay. Not a lady-boy. Not a pansy. Not event flamboyent. (well maybe he danced a little when Scissor Sisters came on but...c'mon that shit's a little catchy right?)
It was cool though...I was chatting.
He asked where I was staying... "Naga" I lied. I had moved from that trickpad 2 nights prior. and the conversation continued. blah blah blah. food arrived. I read.
After all was cleared from my beach table, Ton, as he introduced himself, came and sat with me again. I made every point that I was reading something so wicked I couldn't put it down.

4. Do not under any circumstances let the victim know he is being watched.

More lazy Banter. Ton apparently is from Myanmar, and I thought that quizical to ask a few mildly political questions (a tiptoe topic at best!) Then he asked where I had Partied the last couple of nights?
"Well I havn't been" was my reply; and I held up the book.
He asked, "Are you sure you stay at Naga?, because I think you stay at Toks" and then he proceeded to draw a map of where my current Guesthouse 'Toks' was, in relation to NAgA in the sand.

nothing can really explain how shitty I felt at that moment. I did know that I had to leave. After having the Visa and Passport stolen, I have been a little compulsive lately in the ways of security. This bust a door wide open.
There is no sheltering me now from the utter contempt I have for this country. I have remained very chill about it until now. Yet after travelling to Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia ( all countries with far more poverty and seemingly less care for the tourism industry) Thailand, without any doubt, is THE worst place I have ever visited in my life.

I SEETH WITH THE WRETCHED TWIST MY GUTS HAVE BEEN LEFT IN.
...IT COULD BE BEING ROBBED FROM MY ROOM IN KO PAHGNAN.
...IT COULD BE THE ALLERGY I HAVE TO BANGKOK, WHERE I PEE OUT MY ASS FOR A WEEK.
...OR NOW, NOW IT COULD BE THAT I AM BEING STALKED BY A BURMESE MAN ON AN ISLAND I CANNOT ESCAPE FROM.

ok. I just needed to talk to somebody about that. Thank you for your attention. If you need me I'll be reading in my hut with the door locked firmly until my escape early tomorrow.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 7:04 AM 1 comments

 
Island shots...more to come.



- posted by Combine Harvester @ 12:45 AM 1 comments

 
Dear Brant:
AGHHHHHH!!!!BURACRaCY SUCKS!
We were running a little behind. I arrived at 11:00 to the train station. A time when I was told the embassy would be closed, so the stress led to me running through Bangkok streets like a fool, skewering schoolgirls and business types with the guitar.I arrived at the Abdul Rammah building, where the embassy is, at 11:30...just in time for the friday fire drill. So as I ran up the steps Every person in the 30 floor building was escaping for their hypothetical lives. So I waited for an hour while the trucks showed up and they ushered everybody back in. I have a ten second video of the alarm.The funny part is that the people applying for passports beat the security and staff up the elevator...so we were all standing outside the "hrumph hrumph" very official embassy without a soul in our midst. I suppose I dunno what anyone would do to an embassy without protection, but It didn't look to good.Anyway after getting new pictures, and filling out 5 applications I'm back on my way to freedom.I showed her my Airline ticket that states I have to depart Bali on July 10th. This seemed to bear some weight. She made photocopies and I am to phone back on thursday to check for success.By the time all this was done it was 230 pm...so I wasn't about to get on the move... I'm sacked.So it was off to Khaosan. I'm staying at the Swasdee GH. the place where we actually enjoyed breakfast and the service. I'm in a closet with a mattress. and I will be leaving hopefully tomorrow morning for KO Samet.That's what your missing dawg.How's butterworth.
May I add, I ran into Meghan...you know CANADA 3. I showed her my gold medal, and she showed me her new Gigantic Kiwi Boyfriend. She says Hi. She's going home in twelve days...Breathe...don det.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 8:25 AM 0 comments

 
Anything goes in Ko Pahgnan.
Yes Anything.


do you?
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 7:03 AM 0 comments

 
We are in Ko Pahgnan.
We are in Ko Pahgnan.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 9:00 AM 2 comments

 
The glue gluxosmith-kline. Incline that is!

We find the travellers far from Tapirs on the lower mainland of Thailand near Krabi. "Realy?" you say. "No Railay..." we reply in unison, as is our custom since we became symbiotic 6 short months ago. We are rock climbers here. We are rich men. We are Rastafarian. We wil dance We will dance We will dance....together. After so much turmoil, and strife the fruits of our psychological labour have ripened to a multicoloured ocean lined beacon of hospitality. Yes Railay beach is really loverly. We have a pool now, and a viewpoint vista to watch the sunset on the mountains we have toiled the day away climbing. of course I can hardly type for the blisters on my fingers. I miss you candy cane.

- posted by Combine Harvester @ 8:46 PM 1 comments

 
Buy the grace of God and Phuket.
Here People!
I have some moments while Brant gets his Jawbone ripped apart, and the rain comes down...here is the sweat.
We are in Phuket now...which is very much like Kelowna (arguably the armpit of Canada.)
The difference is this ..in K-town the ex-pats rape children indoors.
Not here friends...hell It's even thought that the G.I.'s slipped Brant a little Nick Nolte last night at the Tiger club.
Needles to say that chill- out feeling hasn't kicked in yet ...
HEY, at least there is the memories of Uncle HO to keep us writing love songs...


Let's be clear...AFRICA IS IN NED.



and introducing...HO CHI CARROTOP!




and her namesake...UNCLE HO.


and turn your heads to the side because the real cute pictures are next.



Take the future...break my arms around my love.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 12:50 AM 3 comments

 
COBRA 2: Back to Bangkok
GAWD...How much Hanoi can you take?
We got into BKK at 11:00 pm last night.
One Big Nasty city to the next we arrived
just In time to stare at all the drunks,
spilling out onto Khosan road...
Goes to show you can leave but the circus is still in town!

Never worry, we're still spinning our tires, tomorrow by hook or by crook we're on the way to Phuket.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 2:55 AM 2 comments

 
Herding Canadian Idols
I was just saying to a young Viet-man today (who didn't understand a word mind you) that Hanoi will either kill me or I will kill it.
Plain and simple, we have spent more time here than is truly necesary, and still we hold ground awaiting a window of escape. I'll avert the details for now, as to not bore the faithfull reader to tears.
Instead I write today about the herding of sheep!
Yes we have just returned from a three day excursion to Ha long Bay. This quaint litle Unesco sight is now totally overrun by tour groups from Hanoi, making the only feasible way to see her beauty a little annoying to say the least. Itineraries are very important to these demons!

On the upside, yesterday we woke up on a quaint little ocean cruiser, we ate three square meals all consisting of rice, tofu, squid, and springys and we climbed a beautiful mountain in the middle of a rainforest, where I sweat more sweat than I thought this body could muster.
On the jagged mountain climb both Brant and I sustained minor finger injuries which means a major lack of Guitar playing...but we worship HO CHI CARROTOP like an idol even when not strumming her golden stringies.

TAKI! AChrohn!

We also managed to stay in the best of our hotel rooms yet, I can't help but think that when I lisped we would like an ocean view to the angry little bellboy that he thought it would be some torture to give us what we wanted.
So, following yesterday's awesome news (re: ged's future (re: Old school life)) we sat on the fifth floor balcony overlooking the fishing boats in the Bay, while the sunset over the mountains with a rum in one hand, and a cigar in the other.
makes up for the constant barking and bossing of some very unclean Vietnamese tour-boys. I see your ladies underthings Tuan! and don't think we aren't still going to hand in the survey that you were so displeased with reading and tore out of your little man purse.
Canadian Idol threats are still very threatening.
- posted by Combine Harvester @ 3:46 AM 1 comments